I thought I wasn't feeling inspired to write this week but in fact the feelings I am having are in fact a despondency about the whole "living with migraines" reality. I am fed up of it all. I can see no end.
The thing about any long term and chronic illness is that there are no easy answers. Admittedly, some people are 'lucky' enough to find the secret to their migraines. I recently saw a person on the TV who reported that through hypnosis, she discovered that in a previous life (gigantic leap of belief and acceptance there), a large coconut had landed on her head. Miraculously, once she had relived this awful event, she never had another migraine again.
I'm jealous. I want a coconut story for myself! There must be a simple explanation. I must be just missing it. There is something out there which is going to make a big difference to my life, if I could only just find it. I'm on a gluten free, caffeine free, and dairy free diet. I've been doing this for nearly 3 months and nothing has changed. Do I give up? Or does it take longer for my body to heal itself and with time, my migraines will get better. I have no answers. No one has any answers and I can feel very alone with some of the decision making I need to do.
I've read many articles: one lady had acupuncture....migraines went, ....another lady did a major detox of diet and the migraines promptly left her. It seems to be so complicated as illnesses go. No one thing is reliably the culprit and you're left feeling that you are essentially guessing....it is a guessing game, full of "what if I try this....it may be the answer...."
It is a quiz with no answers. It seems to be just luck that you stumble on the right person, the right therapist, the right drug.....
Now this will sound ridiculous I expect but this lack of concrete information on how to stop this chronic illness leaves me with so much guilt. I feel guilty that I may somehow be causing the migraines myself. I know that may sound mad because I would never say that to anyone else. And if I had epilepsy or diabetes, I wouldn't be blaming myself. I also feel that it colours the picture people have of me......that somehow I'm not resilient or I am weak, or do not have a strong constitution. There's another whole blog entry on that topic!
Anyway, I have, as yet, found nothing that has a great impact on the frequency of my migraines. My brain seems to need to have them 1-3 times a week, whatever I do, or not do, take or not take. I may never find the answer......even though I know I am on the road of accepting this as a long term illness (gradually) and that I need to accomodate my life around it, I still feel let down that there is nothing I can do at this moment in my life to get rid of them or even lessen the frequency.......
Living as mum with migraines gives me the energy I need to carry on. What would I do without my children? They drain me, but also give me life. And that makes me remember something my dad said to me once....he was talking to me about as a migraineur you are sensitive to the world: light, noise, movement, smell, touch, any of these can become a trigger for migraine.Then he said, may be this sensitivity is central to who you are.....you are sensitive to others, intuitive and aware of people's pain and needs. May be, being migraine mums actually makes us sensitive and intuitive mums too? Everhopeful that amongst all this, there is hope.
PS: I am still doing a relaxation session each day. I struggle with the timing of this as it is only in the evening I can do it...and if I do it before bed time, then I just fall asleep...too early.So I save it up for bedtime and then don't hear it because I am asleep within 2 minutes......I am hoping that the benefits of relaxing are going into my brain somewhere, subconsciously!
Another good relaxation link is John Kabat-Zinn (he is on you tube and uses CBT techniques) I haven't been able to find downloads though, only CD's. Another one I am trying is TopGuidedMeditations.com. There is an app for Android for this, not sure about iphone. See what you think.